смешные истории на англ
Смешные рассказы
In the Dark
(After J. K. Jerome)
Many years ago two friends, Joe and Tom, came to a small town. It was very dark when they came to a little inn. They asked for a room with two beds. The owner of the inn showed them a room and gave them a candle because there was no lamp in the room.
When they were going to the room the candle fell out of Joe’s hand. It became very dark. They found the door of the room and went in.
They took off their clothes and went to bed. The bed was very big and by mistake1 they got into the same bed: Tom from one side and Joe from the other.
After a few minutes Joe said, «You know, Tom, there’s a man in my bed. Here are his feet near my face.»
«Yes, Joe, there’s a man in my bed too. His feet are near my face too. What shall we do?»
«Let’s push them off our beds.»
And they began to push each other. After some time the two men fell on the floor.
«Joe!» cried Tom. «My man is stronger than I. He has pushed me down to the floor.»
«I’m on the floor too,» answered Joe. «I think we must go to the owner of the inn and tell him about it.»
Are You Angry, Sir?
One day Mark Twain was travelling in France by train. He was going to a small town near Paris. It was very late at night when he went to sleep. He asked the conductor to wake him up when they got to the town, and went to sleep.
It was early morning when he woke up. The train was already near Paris. Mark Twain was very angry. He ran up to the conductor and cried, «I asked you to wake me up! Why didn’t you do it? I am very angry with you!»
The conductor looked at him for a moment and then said, «You may be angry, sir, but not so angry as the American whom I put off’ the train instead of you.»
In a Small Town
Toscanini was a great musician. He lived in America. One day he came to a very little town. He was walking along the street when he saw a piece of paper in one of the windows. He read:
«Mrs. Smith. Music Lessons. Two Dollars a Lesson»
Then Toscanini heard the music. Somebody was playing Tchaikovsky.
«Mrs Smith is playing,» he thought, «she isn’t a very good musician. She doesn’t play Tchaikovsky well. I must show her how to play it.»
He went up to the door of the house and rang. The music stopped and soon a woman opened the door.
«Are you Mrs Smith?» asked Toscanini. «My name is Toscanini and I want to show you how to play Tchaikovsky.»
Mrs Smith was very glad to meet the great musician. She asked him to come in. Toscanini played Tchaikovsky for her and went away.
A year later Toscanini visited the same town again. When he went up to the house where he had played Tchaikovsky the year before he again saw a piece of paper. Now it read:
«Mrs. Smith (Toscanini’s pupil). Music Lessons. Four Dollars a Lesson»
A Great Painter and a Great Doctor
Joseph Turner was a great English painter. He had a dog which he loved very much. One day he was playing with his dog. The dog fell and broke his leg. Turner sent for a doctor. But he did not want to send for a vet.1 He sent for the best doctor in London.
When the doctor came Turner said, «Doctor, I’m glad you have come. My dog has broken a leg. I know that you are too great for this work, but please, do it. It’s so important to me.»
The doctor was angry but he did not show it.
Next day the doctor asked Turner to come to his house. «The doctor wants to see me about my dog,» Turner thought.
When Turner got to the doctor’s house the doctor said, «Mr Turner, I’m glad to see you. I want to. ask you to paint my door. I know that you are too great for this work, but please, do it. It’s so important to me.»
The Policeman and the Thief
In a small town a man stole1 some money from a house. The police began to look for the thief. Soon they found him and brought him to the police station.
There was a new policeman at the police station and they wanted to give him some work.
«Take this thief to the city,» said one of the policemen. «You must go there by train.»
The policeman and the thief went to the station. On their way to the station they came to the shop where bread was sold
«We have no food and we must eat something in the train,» said th° thief. «It’s a long way to the city and it’ll take us a long time to get there. I’ll go into the shop and buy some bread. Then you and I can eat in the train. Wait for me here.»
The policeman was glad to have some food in the train. «Be quick,» he said to the thief, «we don’t have much time.»
The thief went into the shop and the policeman waited in the street for a long time. At last he went into the shop.
«Where is the man who came in here to buy some bread?» asked the policeman
«Oh, he went out the back door,» said the owner of the shop.
The policeman ran out but he could not see the thief. So he went to the police station and told the others about it. They were very angry with him. All the police of the town began to look forthe thief again and soon they found him. They brought him back to the police station and called the same policeman.
«Now,» said one of them, «take him to the city and do not lose him again.»
The policeman and the thief went to the station and came up to the same shop.
«Wait here,» said the thief. «I want to go into the shop and buy some bread there.»
«Oh, no,» said the policeman, «you did that once and ran away. Now I’ll go into the shop and you’ll wait for me here.»
Not a Robber
A young man who lived in the suburbs’ of a big English city was going home from the railway station. It was a dark night and there was nobody in the street. Suddenly he heard somebody walking behind him. The faster he went, the faster the man ran after him. At last he decided to turn into a small street to see what the man would do.2 After a few minutes he looked back and saw that the man was still running after him.
«He wants to rob me,» the young man thought. He saw a high garden wall and jumped over it. The other man jumped over the wall too. Now the young man was sure that the man behind him was a robber. But he could not understand why the robber was not in a hurry2 to attack him.
The young man did not know what to do. Then he turned round and said, «What do you want? Why are you following me?»
«Do you always go home in this way? Or are you taking some exercise today?» answered the man. «I’m going to Mr White, but I don’t know where he lives. A man at the railway station told me to follow you, because I could find his house very easily as Mr White lives next door to you. Will you go home or will you do some more gymnastics?»
The Mouse and the Corn
Many, many years ago there lived a king who said that anyone who could tell a story for two years would get1 a piece of land.
First one man tried but his story lasted only two weeks. Another man finished his story after five days. A third man began his story like this:
«Once a farmer planted some corn. When the corn grew the farmer gathered it and put it into a shed. Then the mouse came into the shed and began to eat the corn.»
The man went on, «The mouse took a grain of corn, the mouse took a grain of corn, the mouse took a grain of corn. «
The King interrupted the story, «Well, what was after this?»
«I can’t tell you,» answered the man, «because the mouse hasn’t finished eating the corn yet.»
«All right,» said the king, «you will get a piece of land.»
For Those Who Like to Travel
A few days later each of them got a letter. The letter read: «Sir, rest in bed and remember that the Earth turns. Paris stands at the 49th parallel. At the 49th parallel you travel more than 25,000 kilometres a, day. You may look out of the window and watch the beautiful sky.»
A Clever Fisherman
A fisherman brought a very large fish to a rich man’s house. The rich man asked the fisherman to name his price for the fish. «I don’t want money,» was the answer. «One hundred lashes on my back is the price of my fish. I won’t take one lash less!»
The rich man was surprised and said, «Well, this fisherman is very strange, but we must have the fish. So let the price be paid.»
After fifty lashes the fisherman cried, «Stop! Stop! I have a partner in my business and he must get his part, too.» «Where can I find him?» asked the rich man.
«He’s your own servant. He didn’t want to let me come into your house till I promised to give him half of the price of the fish.»
Two Brothers
Once there were two brothers, Peter and Bernard. Both of them liked to ride horses. One day they both went to buy a horse. Bernard bought a horse and Peter bought a horse, too.
«Oh, dear!» said Bernard. «How are we going to tell our horses apart? How shall I know which is my horse and which is your horse?»
«It isn’t difficult,» said Peter, «you cut the tail of your horse shorter than that of mine.»
So Bernard cut the tail of his horse and now they could see which horse was his. But then the tail of Bernard’s horse grew and the brothers began to think again.
«I know!» said Bernard. «You cut the mane of your horse very short and so we’ll see which horse is yours.»
But soon the mane of his horse grew.
«Do you know what we must do?» asked Peter. «We must see whose horse is longer. Perhaps, one is longer than the other.»
And at last they found that the black horse was three centimetres longer than the white horse.
Quick Thinking
One night a hotel caught fire1 and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
Two men were standing near the hotel and looking at the fire. «Before I came out,» said one of them, «I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money there. People don’t think about money when they are in panic. When paper money gets into a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the paper money that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took it.»
«You don’t know me,» said the other man, «and you don’t know what I am.»
«And where do you work?»
«Oh!» cried the first man. He thought quickly and then he said, «And do you know what I am?»
«No,» said the policeman.
«I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never took place.»
Смешные истории на английском языке для детей
Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.
Смешные истории из цикла «Английский для детей»
Автор Джейн Тэйер
История 1. Кот, который боялся мышей. / Timothy is afraid of a mouse.
Название этой истории говорит само за себя. Да, кот должен ловить мышей, но Тимофей не понимал, почему он должен это делать.
Once there were some people who had a little mouse in their home.
One day they said, “We’ll get a cat. The cat will catch the mouse.”
So they got a cat. The cat’s name was Timothy.
Now the truth was that Timothy was afraid of mice. But the people didn’t know that. They said, “Now, Timothy, will you please catch the mouse?”
You see, cats must catch mice. So Timothy said, “I’ll catch the mouse. But I want to play a little. May I play a little?”Читать онлайн на английском языке Timothy is afraid of a mouse (a funny story for beginners)
История 2. Люси и Мелинда. / Lucy and Melinda.
“Tomorrow,” said Mother, “you will go to your Grangmother’s.”
“Oh!” said Lucy.
“O.K.” said Melinda.
“Get up, Melinda,” said Lucy next day in the morning. They jumped out of their beds. “We are going to Grandmother’s today!”
История 3. Новогодний подарок для Сэнди. / Sandy’s New Year Present.
Эта добрая история про пса по имени Сэнди. О том, как он обрел заботливых хозяев и даже получил новогодний подарок.
Sandy was a brown dog. He had no home. He was always hungry.
One day Sandy came to the house where Sally, Jimmy, Betsy, their mother and daddy lived.
Sandy was glad to see all of them. He kissed Sally. He kissed Jimmy. He kissed Betsy.
Then Sally, Jimmy and Betsy asked mother, “Can he stay here?”
Mother said, “No!”
Mother said, “Well,…”
Mother said, “Will you be a good dog?”
Sandy said nothing.
Mother said, “ All right, you must be a good dog.”
Sandy was happy, he kissed everyone.
История 4. Собака на время. / The Part-Time Dog.
Brownie was a brown and black dog. He had no home. But he loved everyone.
Brownie said, «Oh, there are some children! They are going to school.» So he ran to school with them.
Brownie said, «Oh, there is Mrs. Green and Mrs. Brown and Mrs. White! They are going to shop!» So he ran to shop with them.
История 5. Дом для миссис Краус. / Mrs. Kraus finds a house.
One day Mrs. Kraus said, “My house is too old. It is too big for me. It has too many cupboards. The garden is too big. And the apple tree gives too much shade.”
Mrs. Kraus said, “I want to move.”
She put on her hat and went to see a man who sold houses for people. She said, “Please sell my house. Please show me a new house that I can buy.”
The man said, “O.K.”
История 6. Волшебная герань. / The Magic Geranium.
Mrs. Smith lived in an old house. The furniture was old. The walls needed paint. The curtains were torn.
One day a friend gave Mrs. Smith a beautiful rose geranium. The friend said, “This is a magic geranium. Put it on your table. It will make your house over.”
make over – преобразить
История 7. О кошке, которая хотела домой. / The Cat that Wanted to Go Home.
Conrad was a cat. One day his family went to visit some friends. So they took Conrad in the car and went to visit their friends.
When Conrad got to the friend’s house, he said, “This is not my house. I don’t like it. I am going home.” And he ran away.
In an hour Conrad saw a house and a lady in front of it. But it wasn’t his house. He said to the lady in his own language, “Could you tell me the way to my house?”
История 8. Добрый ловец собак. / The Kind Dog Catcher.
Mr. Goodkind liked dogs so much that he went to the Mayor of the town and said, “May I be dog catcher?
“Fine,” said the Mayor. We shall pay you two hundred dollars a month. Here is your desk. Here is a yard with a fence around it where you put the stray dogs. When an owner comes to get his dog, he must pay one dollar for a dog’s food. Put the money in the dog-catcher desk.
The telephone rang. “The dog catcher!” said Mr. Goodkind.
“A stray dog frightened my little boy,” said a lady. “Please come and catch him.”
История 9. Гараж для Габриеля. / A Garage for Gabriel.
Once there was a little car whose name was Gabriel. Poor Gabriel had no garage. He lived outdoors. He had a sign that said “For Sale-Cheap.”
Every day Gabriel watched the new cars. They rode by, but never even looked at Gabriel.
“Oh!” thought Gabriel, “I wish I were new!”
“But, most of all,” he said sadly, “I wish to have a garage!”
История 10. О кошке, которая думала, что она человек. / The Cat who Thought He was a Man.
Freddy was a cat who didn’t know he was a cat. He thought he was a man. He lived in a house like a man. He slept on a bed like a man. He ate out of dishes like a man. He sat on a chair like a man. He sat in front of the door of his house like a man. It never entered Freddie’s head that he wasn’t a man.
One night a cat came up to Freddie. The cat said, “Ha! You are the cat who doesn’t know he’s a cat.”
“I am not a cat,” said Freddie.
The cat said, “You are a cat. I can prove it.
Всего в этой книге 25 смешных историй известной американской детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер. Это истории про котенка, который боялся мышей, про пса Брауни, который после долгих скитаний наконец обрел хозяев и многие другие. Вы можете купить книгу в 2 вариантах: с диском или без него. Чтобы это сделать, нажмите на картинку!
Рубрика: Смешные истории
Короткие смешные истории на английском языке для взрослых и детей. Автор Джером К. Джером и Джейн Тэйер. Истории можно прочитать как в адаптированном варианте, так и в оригинале на английском языке. К некоторым историям есть перевод на русский язык.
Содержание:
Jerome K. Jerome. Two Short Stories (in English, in the original)
Read online two short stories by Jerome K. Jerome to enjoy English humour. These are the shortest and the funniest stories in the original.
You may know that the English writer Jerome K. Jerome is best known for his two sequels: «Three men in a boat» and «Three men on the bummel».
You will find the most humorous by Jerome K. Jerome and the best stories by other English writers on the website englishstory.ru. Enjoy reading!
Timothy is Afraid of a Mouse (a funny story, for beginners)
Смешные истории на английском языке для детей
Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.
Короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского (автор Джером К. Джером)
Джером Клапка Джером — известный английский писатель, смешные истории которого, наверное, знают все. Эти истории вошли в сборники «Трое в лодке, не считая собаки» и «Трое на четырех колесах». На этой страничке вы найдете две короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского. Изучающим английский язык предлагаю прочитать эти истории на английском языке в оригинале или в адаптированном варианте. Всем удачи!
Jerome K. Jerome. We declined to drink the river (in English, intermediate)
If you understand English humour, this short story by Jerome K. Jerome gives you real pleasure. It is from the collection of stories «Three men in a boat to say nothing of the dog». The gist of the story is rendered by the proverb: «What the eye does not see, the stomach does not grieve over. »
So, read the short story «We decline to drink the river» (adapted for the intermediate level) and improve your English as well. For Russian people there is a list of words to understand. Come on!
Jerome K. Jerome. How We Tried To Buy Shoes (in English, intermediate)
Джером К. Джером. «Как мы покупали ботинки» из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке»
Еще одна забавная история на английском языке из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке» для вас! Эта история из сборникп английского писателя Джерома К. Джерома про трех путешественников, которая называется «Три человека на колесах» (Three men on the bummel). История адаптирована до уровня intermediate (средний). Читайте и получайте удовольствие от хорошего английского юмора.
Щелкните 2 раза на слове, чтобы узнать его перевод.
Интересные короткие рассказы и истории на английском языке с переводом
Чтение коротких рассказов на английском – один из самых эффективных методов изучения языка. Интересные истории на английском языке с переводом помогают расширить словарный запас и улучшить грамматику. Кроме того, это лучшая практика для тренировки изученных слов и закрепления правил.
Вот какую пользу дает чтение рассказов и историй на английском:
Читая истории на английском можно значительно повысить мотивацию к изучению: понимание текста на иностранном языке вдохновляет на дальнейшее обучение. Изучая английский, истории полезно читать для проверки своих знаний и умения понимать и интерпретировать иноязычную речь.
Методика работы с историями
Выбранную историю первый раз нужно прочитать бегло: попытаться понять общую идею прочитанного, не стремиться понять каждое слово;
во время чтения истории на английском во второй раз обратить внимание на интересные слова и структуры, употребление грамматики;
интересные фразы и слова из истории можно выписывать в отдельную тетрадь для того, чтобы в дальнейшем иметь возможность возвращаться к ним.
Если вы испытываете трудности с пониманием прочитанного или не понимаете большую часть, то скорее всего вам не хватает теоретических знаний. В таком случаем рекомендуем подтянуть ваш уровень пройдя бесплатный курс английского с нуля до разговорного уровня для занятых.
Для начинающих подходят истории на английском с простым сюжетом и несложными грамматическими конструкциями. Это могут быть истории-сказки, шуточные истории, простые сюжеты и рассказы о животных, детях, путешествиях. Мы подготовили для вас короткие, но интересные истории на английском языке с переводом. Но перевод находится под хайдом, чтобы вы не подглядывали во время чтения. Постарайтесь самостоятельно понять о чем история, и только потом открывать перевод.
A Good Lesson (Хороший урок)
Once a rich Englishwoman called Mrs Johnson decided to have a birthday party. She invited a lot of guests and a singer. The singer was poor, but he had a very good voice.
The singer got to Mrs Johnson’s house at exactly six o’clock as he had been asked to do, but when he went in, he saw through a door that the dining-room was already full of guests, who were sitting round a big table in the middle of the room. The guests were eating, joking, laughing, and talking loudly. Mrs Johnson came out to him, and he thought she was going to ask him to join them, when she said, «We’re glad, sir, that you have come. You will be singing after dinner, I’ll call you as soon as we’re ready to listen to you. Now will you go into the kitchen and have dinner, too, please?»
The singer was very angry, but said nothing. At first he wanted to leave Mrs Johnson’s house at once, but then he changed his mind and decided to stay and teach her and her rich guests a good lesson. When the singer went into the kitchen, the servants were having dinner, too. He joined them. After dinner, the singer thanked everybody and said, «Well, now I’m going to sing to you, my good friends.» And he sang them some beautiful songs.
Soon Mrs Johnson called the singer.
«Well, sir, we’re ready.»
«Ready?» asked the singer. «What are you ready for?»
«To listen to you,» said Mrs Johnson in an angry voice.
«Listen to me? But I have already sung, and I’m afraid I shan’t be able to sing any more tonight.»
«Where did you sing?»
«In the kitchen. I always sing for those I have dinner with.»
Однажды богатая англичанка по имени миссис Джонсон решила устроить вечеринку по случаю дня рождения. Она пригласила много гостей и певца. Певец был беден, но у него был очень хороший голос.
Певец добрался до дома миссис Джонсон ровно в шесть часов, как его и просили, но когда он вошел, он увидел через дверь, что столовая уже была полна гостей, которые сидели за большим столом посередине комнаты. Гости ели, шутили, смеялись и громко разговаривали. Миссис Джонсон вышла к нему, и он подумал, что она собирается попросить его присоединиться к ним, как она сказала: «Мы рады, сэр, что вы пришли. Вы будете петь после ужина, я позову Вас, как только мы будем готовы выслушать вас. Сейчас вы пойдете на кухню и тоже поужинаете?»
Певец был очень зол, но ничего не сказал. Сначала он хотел немедленно покинуть дом миссис Джонсон, но затем он передумал и решил остаться и преподать ей и ее богатым гостям хороший урок. Когда певец пошел на кухню, слуги тоже ужинали. Он присоединился к ним. После обеда певец поблагодарил всех и сказал: «Ну, теперь я буду петь вам, мои хорошие друзья». И он спел им несколько прекрасных песен.
Вскоре миссис Джонсон позвала певца.
«Ну, сэр, мы готовы.»
«Готовы?» спросил певец. «К чему вы готовы?»
«Чтобы послушать вас», сказала миссис Джонсон сердитым голосом.
«Послушай меня? Но я уже спел и боюсь, что не смогу петь больше сегодня вечером ».
«Где вы пели?»
«На кухне. Я всегда пою для тех, с кем обедаю ».
The Shoebox (Коробка от обуви)
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and knit a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’
Мужчина и женщина были женаты более 60 лет. Они делились всем. Они говорили обо всем. Они не хранили никаких секретов друг от друга, за исключением того, что у старушки на шкафу была обувная коробка, о которой она предупредила своего мужа, никогда не открывать и не спрашивать про нее.
За все эти годы он никогда не думал о коробке, но однажды старушка сильно заболела, и доктор сказал, что она не выздоровеет.
Пытаясь разобрать их дела, старик снял обувную коробку и отнес ее к постели своей жены. Она согласилась, что пришло время, чтобы он знал, что в коробке. Открыв ее, он нашел две вязаные куклы и пачку денег на общую сумму 95 000 долларов.
Он спросил ее о содержимом.
«Когда мы должны были пожениться, — сказала она, — моя бабушка сказала мне, что секрет счастливого брака заключается в том, чтобы никогда не спорить. Она сказала мне, что если я когда-нибудь разозлюсь на тебя, я должна просто молчать и вязать куклу.
Старичок был так тронут; он должен был сдерживать слезы. В коробке были только две изысканные куклы. Она была зла на него только два раза за все эти годы жизни и любви. Он почти лопнул от счастья.
«Дорогая, — сказал он, — это объясняет куклы, но как насчет всех этих денег?
«О, — сказала она, — это деньги, которые я заработала на продаже кукол».
Hit the Floor! (Мордой в пол!)
Jenny and Robert Slater were on holiday in America. They were young and it was their first time away from home in England. They had a car and visited many famous and interesting places.
‘I want to see New York,’ Jenny said one morning. ‘Let’s go there.’
‘Mmm, I don’t know, love. Everybody says New York’s a dangerous place and there are a lot of very strange people there,’ her husband answered.
‘We’ll be careful,’ said Jenny. ‘Then we won’t have any problems.’
So they arrived in New York early in the evening and found a hotel. Later they went out and drove round the streets. They didn’t have any problems. ‘See,’ Jenny said. ‘Nothing to be afraid of.’
They had dinner in a good restaurant and then went to a cinema. They arrived back at their hotel at midnight. Under the hotel was a garage so they drove into it and left the car. It was quite dark there and they couldn’t see very well.
‘Where’s the lift?’ Jenny asked.
‘Over there, I think, near the door,’ Robert answered. ‘Come on, let’s go. I don’t like this dark place.’
Suddenly they saw a very tall young man with a big black dog. They were nervous and walked past him as fast as they could to the lift. The door of the lift opened and Jenny and Robert got in. Before the doors closed the man and the dog jumped in – three people and one big black dog in the lift.
‘On the floor, Girl!’ the tall man said. Jenny and Robert were afraid now, so they quickly got down on the floor. When the lift stopped at the next floor, they stood up, gave the man all their money and got out fast.
‘That man was a robber! Perhaps he had a gun… It’s dangerous here!’ Robert said. ‘We’re going to leave New York now!’
‘Yes, you’re right.’ Jenny answered. ‘There are some dangerous people in New York.’
First thing next morning they took their room key to the desk and gave it to the woman.
‘There’s nothing to pay, Mr Slater,’ she said. ‘A tall young man with a nice dog came to the desk late last night and paid for your room. Oh, wait a minute – he left this for you, too.’ She gave Robert an envelope.
He opened it carefully and took out a letter. They read it together: ‘Here’s your money and I’m very sorry you were afraid in the lift last night. “Girl” is the name of my dog.’
Дженни и Роберт Слэйтер были в отпуске в Америке. Они были молоды, и это был их первый раз вдали от дома в Англии. У них была машина и они побывали во многих известных и интересных местах.
«Я хочу увидеть Нью-Йорк», сказала Дженни однажды утром. ‘Давай пойдем туда.’
‘Ммм, я не знаю, любимая. Все говорят, что Нью-Йорк — опасное место, и там очень много странных людей », — ответил ее муж.
«Мы будем осторожны», сказала Дженни. «Тогда у нас не будет никаких проблем».
Таким образом, они прибыли в Нью-Йорк рано вечером и нашли отель. Позже они вышли и поехали по улицам. У них не было никаких проблем. «Видишь», сказала Дженни. «Нечего бояться».
Они поужинали в хорошем ресторане, а затем пошли в кино. Они вернулись в свой отель в полночь. Под отелем был гараж, поэтому они поехали в него и оставили машину. Там было довольно темно, и плохо видно.
«Где лифт?» Спросила Дженни.
«Там, я думаю, около двери», — ответил Роберт. ‘Давай пошли. Мне не нравится это темное место.
Внезапно они увидели очень высокого молодого человека с большой черной собакой. Они нервничали и шли мимо него так быстро, как могли до лифта. Дверь лифта открылась, и Дженни с Робертом вошли. До того, как двери закрылись, в нее забежал мужчина и собака — три человека и одна большая черная собака в лифте.
«На пол, девочка!» — сказал высокий мужчина. Дженни и Роберт испугались, поэтому они быстро опустились на пол. Когда лифт остановился на следующем этаже, они встали, дали человеку все свои деньги и быстро вышли.
«Да, ты прав», ответила Дженни. «В Нью-Йорке есть опасные люди».
Первым делом на следующее утро они взяли ключ от своей комнаты и отдали его женщине.
«Мистеру Слейтеру платить нечего», — сказала она. «Высокий молодой человек с красивой собакой пришел вчера вечером на стойку и заплатил за вашу комнату». О, подожди минутку — также он оставил это вам. Она дала Роберту конверт.
Он осторожно открыл его и вынул письмо. Они вместе читают: «Вот ваши деньги, и мне очень жаль, что вы испугались в лифте прошлой ночью. «Девочка» — это имя моей собаки.
Will’s experience at the airport (Случай с Уиллом в аэропорту)
After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
После возвращения из Рима Уилл не мог найти свой багаж в багажном отделении аэропорта. Он пошел в бюро находок и сказал женщине, работающей там, что его сумки так и не появились на карусели.
Она улыбнулась и сказала ему, чтобы он не беспокоился, потому что у них работают профессионалы, и он в надежных руках.
Потом она спросила: «Ваш самолет уже прилетел?»
Fortune and the man (Фортуна и мужик)
One day a man was walking along the street. He carried an old bag in his hands. He was wondering why people who had so much money were never satisfied and always wanted more. “As to me,” he said, “if I had enough to eat, I should not ask for anything else.”Just at this moment Fortune came down the street. She heard the man and stopped.
“Listen,” she said, “I want to help you. Hold your bag, and I shall pour diamonds into it. But every diamond which falls on the ground will become dust. Do you understand?”
“Oh, yes, I understand,” said the man. He quickly opened his bag and stream of diamonds was poured into it. The bag began to grow heavy. “Is that enough?” asked Fortune. “Not yet.” The man’s hand’s began to tremble.
“You are the richest man in the world now.” Said Fortune.
“Just a few more, and a few more,” said the man. Another diamond was added and the bag slipped. All the diamonds fell on the ground and became dust.
Fortune disappeared, leaving the man in the street.
“That is wonderful,” said Sir Arthur.
“You could recognize me though you knew very few facts.”
“Besides,” added the cabman. Your name is on both of your travelling bags. That also helped.”
So, the cabman played a good joke on Conan Doyle.
Она рассказала своим друзьям о подарке сына и пригласила их попробовать этот чай. Наконец настал день чайной вечеринки. Женщина позвала своих гостей в столовую и положила на стол большое блюдо из чайных листьев. Гости стали есть листья с солью, как они делали это, когда ели овощи. Никто не понравилось, но никто не сказал об этом старушке, а продолжали есть листья.
Некоторое время спустя сын вошел в комнату.
Когда он увидел, что все гости ели листья, он улыбнулся.
«Что вы делаете?
Зачем вы едите эти листья?
А где чай?»
«Вот он, мой сын,» — сказала старушка.
«А где вода, в которой вы заварили листья?» — спросил сын, смеясь.
«Разумеется, я вылила ее, — ответила мать.
Wrong car (Не та машина)
It happened about a year ago. Our family bought a new car, and parents decided to celebrate it all together in the cafe. We enjoyed great food, had a conversation and a lot of fun. Dad was happy and he told us many jokes, everybody laughed more and more. We played the fools and couldn’t stop.When it was time to go, Dad paid and left cafe to warm up the car, and Mom, her friend, my brother and I lingered in the cafe. When we went out, we realised that it was already dark outside — so we couldn’t see well. And the second thing we reailsed was the fact, that nobody can remember exactly, what our new car looks like! But Mom confidently went toward the black car, that was standing nearly. «Oh, Dad is waiting inside, it’s ours. Come on».
Just imagine: the company of four very noisy people, singing, talking loudly, laughing out, get into car. Mum turn to driver and exclaimed cheerfully: «Sasha, let’s go!»…The driver looked at us with eyes full of fear and cried out desperatly: «I am not Sasha, I am Egor. Who are you?!»Then we, absolutly confused and quiet, get in the right car, we told Dad about it. He couldn’t drive for 5 minutes becouse of laughing.
A Magic Ring (Волшебное кольцо)
Once upon a time there lived a young farmer. He worked very hard but was very poor. One day when he was far from home in the forest, an old woman looking like a peasant came up to him and said, «I know you work very hard, and all for nothing. I will give you a magic ring! It will make you rich, and your work won’t be in vain. When you turn the ring on your finger and say what you wish to have, you’ll have it at once! But there is only one wish in the ring, so think carefully before you wish.»
The astonished farmer took the ring given to him by the peasant woman, and went home. In evening he came to a big city. There he went to a merchant and showed him the magic ring. When the merchant heard the astonishing story, he thought of a plan. He invited the farmer to stay in his house for the night. At night he came up to the sleeping peasant, carefully took the ring off the man’s finger, and put on another ring, which looked exactly like the one he had taken off.
In the morning when the farmer had gone away, the merchant ran into his shop, shut the door, and said while turning the ring on his finger, «I wish to have a hundred thousand pieces of gold.» And down they came, on his head, shoulders, and arms, like a rain of gold! The frightened merchant tried to get out of the shop, but in vain. In a few minutes he was dead.
When the farmer returned home, he showed the ring to his wife. «Take a look at this ring,» he said. «It’s a magic ring! It will make us happy.”
The astonished woman could hardly say a word «Let’s try. Maybe the ring will bring us more land,» she said at last.
“We must be careful about our wish. Don’t forget there’s only one thing that we may ask for,» he explained. «Let’s better work hard for another year, and we’ll have more land.”
So they worked as hard as they could and got enough money to buy the land they wished to have.
Then the farmer’s wife thought of asking for a cow and a horse. They discussed the matter more than once.
“My good wife”, — said the farmer, — “we shall get a horse and a cow without the ring.”
They went on working hard for a whole year and again bought the things they wished to have.
«What happy people we are!» said the farmer.
“I don’t understand you,» answered his wife angrily. «There’s nothing in the world that we can’t have, and still we spend days and nights working as hard as before, because you don’t want to use your magic ring!”
Thirty, then forty years had gone by. The farmer and his wife had grown old. Their hair became as white as snow. They were happy and had everything they wanted. Their ring was still there. Although it was not a magic ring, it had made them happy. For you see, my dear friends, a poor thing in good hands is better than a fine thing in bad hands.
Когда-то жил молодой фермер. Он очень много работал, но был очень беден. Однажды, когда он был далеко от дома в лесу, к нему подошла пожилая женщина, похожая на крестьянку, и сказала: «Я знаю, ты работаешь очень усердно, и все впустую. Я дам тебе волшебное кольцо! Оно сделает тебя богатым, и твоя работа не будет напрасной. Когда ты повернешь кольцо на пальце и скажешь, что ты желаешь иметь, вы это сразу получишь! Но в кольце есть только одно желание, поэтому хорошенько подумай, прежде чем пожелать ».
Удивленный фермер взял кольцо, данное ему крестьянкой, и пошел домой. Вечером он приехал в большой город. Там он пошел к торговцу и показал ему волшебное кольцо. Когда торговец услышал удивительную историю, он задумал план. Он пригласил фермера остаться в его доме на ночь. Ночью он подошел к спящему крестьянину, осторожно снял кольцо с пальца мужчины и надел другое кольцо, которое было похоже на то, которое он снял.
Утром, когда фермер ушел, торговец побежал в свой магазин, закрыл дверь и, повернув кольцо на пальце, сказал: «Я хочу иметь сто тысяч золотых монет». И они посыпались на его голову, плечи и руки, как золотой дождь! Напуганный торговец пытался выбраться из магазина, но тщетно. Через несколько минут он умер.
Когда фермер вернулся домой, он показал кольцо своей жене. «Посмотри на это кольцо», — сказал он. «Это волшебное кольцо! Это сделает нас счастливыми».
Удивленная женщина едва могла произнести слова «Давайте попробуем. Может быть, кольцо принесет нам больше земли», — сказала она наконец.
«Мы должны быть осторожны с нашим желанием. Не забывайте, что мы можем просить только об одном», — пояснил он. «Давайте лучше потрудимся еще год, и у нас будет больше земли».
Поэтому они работали изо всех сил и получили достаточно денег, чтобы купить землю, которую они хотели иметь.
Тогда жена фермера решила попросить корову и лошадь. Они обсуждали этот вопрос не единожды.
«Моя хорошая жена», — сказал фермер, — «мы получим лошадь и корову без кольца».
Они продолжали усердно работать целый год и снова купили вещи, которые пожелали иметь.
«Какие мы счастливые люди!» сказал фермер.
«Я тебя не понимаю», сердито ответила его жена. «В мире нет ничего, чего бы у нас не было, и тем не менее мы проводим дни и ночи, работая так же усердно, как и раньше, потому что вы не хотите использовать свое волшебное кольцо!»
Тридцать, потом сорок лет прошло. Фермер и его жена состарились. Их волосы стали белыми, как снег. Они были счастливы и имели все, что хотели. Их кольцо все еще было там. Хотя это было не волшебное кольцо, оно сделало их счастливыми. Видите ли, мои дорогие друзья, плохая вещь в хороших руках лучше, чем хорошая в плохих руках.