смешные истории книга на английском
Рубрика: Смешные истории
Короткие смешные истории на английском языке для взрослых и детей. Автор Джером К. Джером и Джейн Тэйер. Истории можно прочитать как в адаптированном варианте, так и в оригинале на английском языке. К некоторым историям есть перевод на русский язык.
Содержание:
Jerome K. Jerome. Two Short Stories (in English, in the original)
Read online two short stories by Jerome K. Jerome to enjoy English humour. These are the shortest and the funniest stories in the original.
You may know that the English writer Jerome K. Jerome is best known for his two sequels: «Three men in a boat» and «Three men on the bummel».
You will find the most humorous by Jerome K. Jerome and the best stories by other English writers on the website englishstory.ru. Enjoy reading!
Timothy is Afraid of a Mouse (a funny story, for beginners)
Смешные истории на английском языке для детей
Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.
Короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского (автор Джером К. Джером)
Джером Клапка Джером — известный английский писатель, смешные истории которого, наверное, знают все. Эти истории вошли в сборники «Трое в лодке, не считая собаки» и «Трое на четырех колесах». На этой страничке вы найдете две короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского. Изучающим английский язык предлагаю прочитать эти истории на английском языке в оригинале или в адаптированном варианте. Всем удачи!
Jerome K. Jerome. We declined to drink the river (in English, intermediate)
If you understand English humour, this short story by Jerome K. Jerome gives you real pleasure. It is from the collection of stories «Three men in a boat to say nothing of the dog». The gist of the story is rendered by the proverb: «What the eye does not see, the stomach does not grieve over. »
So, read the short story «We decline to drink the river» (adapted for the intermediate level) and improve your English as well. For Russian people there is a list of words to understand. Come on!
Jerome K. Jerome. How We Tried To Buy Shoes (in English, intermediate)
Джером К. Джером. «Как мы покупали ботинки» из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке»
Еще одна забавная история на английском языке из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке» для вас! Эта история из сборникп английского писателя Джерома К. Джерома про трех путешественников, которая называется «Три человека на колесах» (Three men on the bummel). История адаптирована до уровня intermediate (средний). Читайте и получайте удовольствие от хорошего английского юмора.
Щелкните 2 раза на слове, чтобы узнать его перевод.
Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories, стр. 1
Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories
© Матвеев С.А., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь
© Ганненко В.В., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь
© Прокофьева О.Н., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь
© ООО «Издательство АСТ», 2019
Вы держите в руках сборник юмористических рассказов на английском языке. В него вошли как признанные шедевры, так и произведения, мало знакомые русскому читателю. Несмотря на то что эти тексты были в значительной степени адаптированы, удалось сохранить авторский стиль, живой язык, и, конечно же, искрометный юмор. Смейтесь от души и совершенствуйте свой английский. А в конце книги вы найдете словарь, который облегчит вам понимание текстов.
1. Smoking and drinking
There were three of us in the smoke-room of the ship – me, my very good friend, and, in the opposite corner, a shy man, the editor, as we knew out later, of a New York Sunday paper.
My friend and I were talking about habits, good and bad.
“After the first few months,” my friend said, “it is as easy to be a saint as to be a sinner; it becomes a habit.”
“I know,” I interrupted, “it is as easy to jump out of bed early in the morning as to say ‘All Right,’ and turn over for another five minutes of sleep, when you have got the habit. Not to swear is as easy as to swear, if you make a custom of it. A piece of bread and water is as delicious as champagne, when you got used to its taste. It is only a question of making your choice and getting used it.”
“Now take one of my cigars,” he said, pushing his open cigar case to me.
“Thank you,” I replied quickly, “I’m not smoking during this trip.”
“Don’t be afraid,” he answered, “It was just an argument. One of these cigars would make you ill for a week.”
“Very well,” he continued. “As you know, I smoke them all day long, and enjoy them. Why? Because that is my habit. Many years ago, when I was a young man, I smoked very expensive Havanas. It was necessary for me to buy cheaper tobacco. I was living in Belgium and one friend showed me these. I don’t know what they are made of – probably cabbage leaves soaked in guano [1]; they tasted to me like that at first – but they were cheap, they cost me three a penny. I decided to like them, and started with one a day. It was terrible work, I admit, but as I said to myself, nothing could be worse than the Havanas themselves in the beginning. Before the end of the month I could think of them without disgust, at the end of second I could smoke them without discomfort. Now I prefer them to any other brand on the market.”
He leant back and puffed great clouds into the air, filled the small room with a terrible smell.
“Then again,” he continued after a pause, “Take my wine. No, you don’t like it.” (my face betrayed me.) “Nobody does, no one I have ever met. Three years ago, when I lived in Hammersmith, we caught two thieves with it. They opened the cupboard, and drank five bottles of it. A policeman found them later, sitting on a doorstep a hundred yards from my house. They were too ill and went to the police station like lambs, because he promised to send the doctor to them the moment they were safe in the cells. Since then I leave a bottle on the table every night.
Well, I like that wine. I drink several glasses, and I feel like I’m a new man. I took it for the same reason that I took the cigars – it was cheap. It is sent from Geneva, and it costs me six shillings a dozen of bottles. How they do it I don’t know. I don’t want to know.
“I knew one man,” my friend continued, “All day long his wife talked to him, or at him, or of him, and at night he fell asleep to the rising and falling rhythm of what she thought about him. At last she died, and his friends congratulated him, they thought that now he would enjoy peace. But it was the peace of the desert, and the man did not enjoy it. For twenty-two years her voice had filled the house, penetrated through the conservatory, and floated into the garden.
The place was no longer home to him. He missed the fresh morning insult, the long winter evening’s reproaches beside the fire. At night he could not sleep. For hours he would lie without sleep.
‘Ah!’ he cried to himself, ‘it is the old story, we never know the value of a thing until we lose it.’ He grew ill. The doctors gave him tons of sleeping pills, but all in vain. At last they told him that his life depended on finding another wife.
There were plenty of wives of the type he wanted in the neighbourhood, but the unmarried women were not experienced, and his health was so bad that he did not have the time to train them.
Fortunately, a man died nearby, talked to death by his wife. He called her the day after the funeral and in six months he won her heart.
But she was a poor substitute.
From his favourite seat at the bottom of the garden he could not hear her at all, so he brought his chair into the conservatory. It was all right for him there while she continued to abuse him; but every time he got comfortably settled down with his pipe and his newspaper, she suddenly stopped.
He dropped his paper and sat listening, with a troubled expression.
‘Are you there, dear?’ he called out after a while.
‘Yes, I’m here. Why do you think I am not, you old fool?’ she cried back in a tired voice.
His face brightened at the sound of her words. ‘Go on, dear,’ he answered. ‘I’m listening. I like to hear you talk.’
But the poor woman was too exhausted.
At night did her best, but it was a weak performance. After insulting him for three-quarters of an hour, she laid back on the pillow, and wanted to go to sleep. But he shook her gently by the shoulder.
‘Yes, dear,’ he said, ‘you were speaking about Jane, and the way I looked at her during the lunch.’
“It’s very strange,” concluded my friend, lighting a fresh cigar, “what men of habit we are.”
The shy man in the corner said: “I can tell you a true story and I bet a dollar you won’t believe it.”
“I haven’t got a dollar, but I’ll bet you half a sovereign,” replied my friend.
So the shy man told his story.
3. The editor’s story
“I’m going to tell you about a man from Jefferson,” he began. “He was born in the town, and for forty-seven years he never slept a night outside it. He was a respectable man – a merchant from nine to four, and a religious man in his free time. He said that a good life meant good habits. He got up at seven, had family prayer at seven-thirty, had breakfast at eight, got to his business at nine, had his horse brought to the office at four, and rode for an hour, reached home at five, had a bath and a cup of tea, played with children and read to them till half-past six, dressed and dined at seven, went to the club and played whist till quarter after ten, returned home to evening prayer at ten-thirty, and went to bed at eleven. For twenty-five years he lived that life without any variations. He was used by the local astronomers to check the sun.
One day his business partner in London, an East Indian merchant and an ex-Lord Mayor died, and our man was his only heir. The business was complicated and needed management. He decided to leave his son, a young man of twenty-four, as a manager of his business at Jefferson, and to go to his second family in England, to look after the East Indian business.
He set out from Jefferson City on October the fourth, and arrived in London on the seventeenth. He was ill during the whole trip. After several days in bed he announced his decision to go into the City to see to his business.
Смешные истории на английском языке для детей
Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.
Смешные истории из цикла «Английский для детей»
Автор Джейн Тэйер
История 1. Кот, который боялся мышей. / Timothy is afraid of a mouse.
Название этой истории говорит само за себя. Да, кот должен ловить мышей, но Тимофей не понимал, почему он должен это делать.
Once there were some people who had a little mouse in their home.
One day they said, “We’ll get a cat. The cat will catch the mouse.”
So they got a cat. The cat’s name was Timothy.
Now the truth was that Timothy was afraid of mice. But the people didn’t know that. They said, “Now, Timothy, will you please catch the mouse?”
You see, cats must catch mice. So Timothy said, “I’ll catch the mouse. But I want to play a little. May I play a little?”Читать онлайн на английском языке Timothy is afraid of a mouse (a funny story for beginners)
История 2. Люси и Мелинда. / Lucy and Melinda.
“Tomorrow,” said Mother, “you will go to your Grangmother’s.”
“Oh!” said Lucy.
“O.K.” said Melinda.
“Get up, Melinda,” said Lucy next day in the morning. They jumped out of their beds. “We are going to Grandmother’s today!”
История 3. Новогодний подарок для Сэнди. / Sandy’s New Year Present.
Эта добрая история про пса по имени Сэнди. О том, как он обрел заботливых хозяев и даже получил новогодний подарок.
Sandy was a brown dog. He had no home. He was always hungry.
One day Sandy came to the house where Sally, Jimmy, Betsy, their mother and daddy lived.
Sandy was glad to see all of them. He kissed Sally. He kissed Jimmy. He kissed Betsy.
Then Sally, Jimmy and Betsy asked mother, “Can he stay here?”
Mother said, “No!”
Mother said, “Well,…”
Mother said, “Will you be a good dog?”
Sandy said nothing.
Mother said, “ All right, you must be a good dog.”
Sandy was happy, he kissed everyone.
История 4. Собака на время. / The Part-Time Dog.
Brownie was a brown and black dog. He had no home. But he loved everyone.
Brownie said, «Oh, there are some children! They are going to school.» So he ran to school with them.
Brownie said, «Oh, there is Mrs. Green and Mrs. Brown and Mrs. White! They are going to shop!» So he ran to shop with them.
История 5. Дом для миссис Краус. / Mrs. Kraus finds a house.
One day Mrs. Kraus said, “My house is too old. It is too big for me. It has too many cupboards. The garden is too big. And the apple tree gives too much shade.”
Mrs. Kraus said, “I want to move.”
She put on her hat and went to see a man who sold houses for people. She said, “Please sell my house. Please show me a new house that I can buy.”
The man said, “O.K.”
История 6. Волшебная герань. / The Magic Geranium.
Mrs. Smith lived in an old house. The furniture was old. The walls needed paint. The curtains were torn.
One day a friend gave Mrs. Smith a beautiful rose geranium. The friend said, “This is a magic geranium. Put it on your table. It will make your house over.”
make over – преобразить
История 7. О кошке, которая хотела домой. / The Cat that Wanted to Go Home.
Conrad was a cat. One day his family went to visit some friends. So they took Conrad in the car and went to visit their friends.
When Conrad got to the friend’s house, he said, “This is not my house. I don’t like it. I am going home.” And he ran away.
In an hour Conrad saw a house and a lady in front of it. But it wasn’t his house. He said to the lady in his own language, “Could you tell me the way to my house?”
История 8. Добрый ловец собак. / The Kind Dog Catcher.
Mr. Goodkind liked dogs so much that he went to the Mayor of the town and said, “May I be dog catcher?
“Fine,” said the Mayor. We shall pay you two hundred dollars a month. Here is your desk. Here is a yard with a fence around it where you put the stray dogs. When an owner comes to get his dog, he must pay one dollar for a dog’s food. Put the money in the dog-catcher desk.
The telephone rang. “The dog catcher!” said Mr. Goodkind.
“A stray dog frightened my little boy,” said a lady. “Please come and catch him.”
История 9. Гараж для Габриеля. / A Garage for Gabriel.
Once there was a little car whose name was Gabriel. Poor Gabriel had no garage. He lived outdoors. He had a sign that said “For Sale-Cheap.”
Every day Gabriel watched the new cars. They rode by, but never even looked at Gabriel.
“Oh!” thought Gabriel, “I wish I were new!”
“But, most of all,” he said sadly, “I wish to have a garage!”
История 10. О кошке, которая думала, что она человек. / The Cat who Thought He was a Man.
Freddy was a cat who didn’t know he was a cat. He thought he was a man. He lived in a house like a man. He slept on a bed like a man. He ate out of dishes like a man. He sat on a chair like a man. He sat in front of the door of his house like a man. It never entered Freddie’s head that he wasn’t a man.
One night a cat came up to Freddie. The cat said, “Ha! You are the cat who doesn’t know he’s a cat.”
“I am not a cat,” said Freddie.
The cat said, “You are a cat. I can prove it.
Всего в этой книге 25 смешных историй известной американской детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер. Это истории про котенка, который боялся мышей, про пса Брауни, который после долгих скитаний наконец обрел хозяев и многие другие. Вы можете купить книгу в 2 вариантах: с диском или без него. Чтобы это сделать, нажмите на картинку!
Смешные истории книга на английском
Всего год или два назад вы узнали английский алфавит, потом прочитали первые английские слова, и вот наступил новый этап в овладении вами иностранным языком. Вы начинаете читать книги на английском! И это здорово!
Истории котёнка Рэдди написаны специально для вас. Главные герои книги — забавные котята: два брата и сестра. Я уверена, что вы полюбите умную, трогательную Пинки и доброго, озорного Рэдди. Может быть, не всем вам понравится Блэки. Но не забывайте, что он ещё совсем маленький котёнок, и у него вся жизнь впереди, чтобы стать мудрее и добрее.
Читайте и улыбайтесь! Проделав упражнения, предложенные после каждой главы, вы будете приятно удивлены, обнаружив, что стали чуть-чуть лучше говорить, чуть-чуть лучше разбираться в грамматике и научились отгадывать загадки на английском языке. Вы узнаете много новых слов и без труда запомните их, поскольку будете встречать их на протяжении всей книги то в одной, то в другой главе. И я точно знаю, что, прочитав эти истории, вы не остановитесь на достигнутом, а вооружившись новыми знаниями, возьмётесь за следующую, более трудную книгу и так далее.
Счастливого вам пути в прекрасный мир английского языка!
Перевод заданий к упражнениям
Look! This is Pinky. She is white, but her ears and nose are pink. And that is Blackie. He has got a grey body and a black tail. They are very nice and they are my sister and brother. They are my friends, too. And this is me. I am Reddy. I am red, and red is my favorite color. We are kittens and we are little.
We have got a mother. But she is not with us now. She is with her sister. Mrs Paw visits and helps us. She is our mum’s friend.
It is sunny today. We are in the garden now. Pinky is on the swing. She is swinging. Blackie is in an armchair. He is reading. And I am in a tree. I am watching the birds.
Pinky is very happy and she sings.
«Please, Pinky, don’t sing!» says Blackie. «I can’t read!»
«Don’t read,» says Pinky. «Listen to my song.»
«But I want to read,» says Blackie.
«And I want to sing!» says Pinky.
Pinky sings and Blackie is very angry. He takes his radio and turns it on.
Now Pinky is angry. She can’t hear her song. She jumps down, comes up to Blackie and turns the radio off.
«Why are you doing that?» she asks. «Can you read when the radio is singing?»
Blackie looks at her and says:
«I can’t read when the radio is singing. But you can sing when I am reading. That is not fair. But now I can’t read and you can’t sing. It is fair.»
I, Reddy, don’t like when my friends are not happy. I climb down the tree and go to them. I come up and say:
«Pinky, you can sing in the house. Then Blackie can’t hear you and he can read. Or Blackie, you can read in the house. Then you can’t hear Pinky and she can sing in the garden.»
Blackie and Pinky are nice kittens.
«OK, I am going into the house,» they say together.
1 Answer the questions.
1. Who has got pink ears?
2. What colour is Blackie’s tail?
3. What is Reddy’s favorite color?
4. Is their mum with them now?
6. Who helps the kittens?
7. Where are the kittens?
8. What is Pinky doing?
9. What is Blackie doing?
2 Match.
3 True or false?
1. Pinky has got a book.
2. Pinky has got a radio.
3. Reddy does not like when his friends are not happy.
4. Blackie and Pinky are in the house.
4 What is it?
1. It can sing. You can listen to it. You can turn it off.
2. It is big or small. You can read it.
3. It is in the garden. You can sit on it and swing.
4. It is long or short. You can sing it.
5. It is tall or short. You can climb it up and down.
We are in the house today. It is raining.
Pinky likes the cupboard. Now she is sleeping in the cupboard. Blackie likes the sofa. Now he is sitting on the sofa. I like the chair. Now I am playing with my tail under the chair.
«Can I play with you?» asks Blackie.
«But I am playing with my tail,» I say. «I can’t play with my tail and with you.»
Blackie is sad. He wants to play and he plays with his tail.
Pinky wakes up. She comes out of the cupboard and looks at us.
«What are you doing?» she asks.
«We are playing with our tails,» we answer.
«But it is not good. Can’t you play together?» asks Pinky.
«How can we? Reddy is playing with his tail and I am playing with mine,» says Blackie.
Pinky thinks and thinks and she says:
«You can play together. You, Blackie, can play with Reddy’s tail. And you, Reddy, can play with Blackie’s tail.»
«You are very clever,» Blackie and I say.
Pinky is very happy. Blackie and I are happy, too. Now we are all playing together. Pinky is playing with my tail, I am playing with Blackie’s tail and Blackie is playing with Pinky’s.
1 Answer the question.
1. Where are the kittens?
2. What is Pinky doing?
3. What is Blackie doing?
4. What is Reddy doing?
2 Match.
3 Fill in: am, is, are.
1. We _____ in the house today.
2. Blackie _____ sad.
3. I _____ playing with my tail.
4. You _____ clever.
5. Blackie and I _____ happy.
4 What is it?
1. There are cups and plates in it.
2. It has got four legs. You can sit on it.
3. It is big. You can sleep on it.
4. Animals have got it. It is long short.
It is autumn. It is September. It is Pinky’s birthday today. She is eight months. She has got two presents: Blackie’s present and my present. Blackie’s present is a small red ball and my present is a box of chocolates. Mrs Paw visits us in the morning. She gives Pinky a big birthday cake and goes home because she has got a baby son there.