смешные истории английский клуб джейн тэйер

Рубрика: Смешные истории

Короткие смешные истории на английском языке для взрослых и детей. Автор Джером К. Джером и Джейн Тэйер. Истории можно прочитать как в адаптированном варианте, так и в оригинале на английском языке. К некоторым историям есть перевод на русский язык.

Содержание:

Jerome K. Jerome. Two Short Stories (in English, in the original)

Read online two short stories by Jerome K. Jerome to enjoy English humour. These are the shortest and the funniest stories in the original.

You may know that the English writer Jerome K. Jerome is best known for his two sequels: «Three men in a boat» and «Three men on the bummel».

You will find the most humorous by Jerome K. Jerome and the best stories by other English writers on the website englishstory.ru. Enjoy reading!

Timothy is Afraid of a Mouse (a funny story, for beginners)

Смешные истории на английском языке для детей

Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.

Короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского (автор Джером К. Джером)

Джером Клапка Джером — известный английский писатель, смешные истории которого, наверное, знают все. Эти истории вошли в сборники «Трое в лодке, не считая собаки» и «Трое на четырех колесах». На этой страничке вы найдете две короткие смешные истории в переводе с английского. Изучающим английский язык предлагаю прочитать эти истории на английском языке в оригинале или в адаптированном варианте. Всем удачи!

Jerome K. Jerome. We declined to drink the river (in English, intermediate)

If you understand English humour, this short story by Jerome K. Jerome gives you real pleasure. It is from the collection of stories «Three men in a boat to say nothing of the dog». The gist of the story is rendered by the proverb: «What the eye does not see, the stomach does not grieve over. »

So, read the short story «We decline to drink the river» (adapted for the intermediate level) and improve your English as well. For Russian people there is a list of words to understand. Come on!

Jerome K. Jerome. How We Tried To Buy Shoes (in English, intermediate)

Джером К. Джером. «Как мы покупали ботинки» из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке»

Еще одна забавная история на английском языке из цикла «Смешные истории на английском языке» для вас! Эта история из сборникп английского писателя Джерома К. Джерома про трех путешественников, которая называется «Три человека на колесах» (Three men on the bummel). История адаптирована до уровня intermediate (средний). Читайте и получайте удовольствие от хорошего английского юмора.

Щелкните 2 раза на слове, чтобы узнать его перевод.

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Смешные истории на английском языке для детей

Хотите прочитать своему ребенку 25 смешных историй на английском языке замечательной детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер? Истории добрые и смешные. Текст каждой истории снабжен комментарием, а также упражнениями. Текст относится к уровню для начинающих (beginners). Для начала предлагаю ознакомиться c отрывками из 10 первых историй, публикация которых продолжится немного позже. Желающие могут пока приобрести книгу. А первую историю про кота Тимофея можно прочитать прямо сейчас на нашем сайте.

Смешные истории из цикла «Английский для детей»

Автор Джейн Тэйер

История 1. Кот, который боялся мышей. / Timothy is afraid of a mouse.
Название этой истории говорит само за себя. Да, кот должен ловить мышей, но Тимофей не понимал, почему он должен это делать.

Once there were some people who had a little mouse in their home.
One day they said, “We’ll get a cat. The cat will catch the mouse.”
So they got a cat. The cat’s name was Timothy.
Now the truth was that Timothy was afraid of mice. But the people didn’t know that. They said, “Now, Timothy, will you please catch the mouse?”
You see, cats must catch mice. So Timothy said, “I’ll catch the mouse. But I want to play a little. May I play a little?”

Читать онлайн на английском языке Timothy is afraid of a mouse (a funny story for beginners)

История 2. Люси и Мелинда. / Lucy and Melinda.

“Tomorrow,” said Mother, “you will go to your Grangmother’s.”
“Oh!” said Lucy.
“O.K.” said Melinda.
“Get up, Melinda,” said Lucy next day in the morning. They jumped out of their beds. “We are going to Grandmother’s today!”

История 3. Новогодний подарок для Сэнди. / Sandy’s New Year Present.
Эта добрая история про пса по имени Сэнди. О том, как он обрел заботливых хозяев и даже получил новогодний подарок.

Sandy was a brown dog. He had no home. He was always hungry.
One day Sandy came to the house where Sally, Jimmy, Betsy, their mother and daddy lived.
Sandy was glad to see all of them. He kissed Sally. He kissed Jimmy. He kissed Betsy.
Then Sally, Jimmy and Betsy asked mother, “Can he stay here?”
Mother said, “No!”
Mother said, “Well,…”
Mother said, “Will you be a good dog?”
Sandy said nothing.
Mother said, “ All right, you must be a good dog.”
Sandy was happy, he kissed everyone.

История 4. Собака на время. / The Part-Time Dog.

Brownie was a brown and black dog. He had no home. But he loved everyone.
Brownie said, «Oh, there are some children! They are going to school.» So he ran to school with them.
Brownie said, «Oh, there is Mrs. Green and Mrs. Brown and Mrs. White! They are going to shop!» So he ran to shop with them.

История 5. Дом для миссис Краус. / Mrs. Kraus finds a house.

One day Mrs. Kraus said, “My house is too old. It is too big for me. It has too many cupboards. The garden is too big. And the apple tree gives too much shade.”
Mrs. Kraus said, “I want to move.”
She put on her hat and went to see a man who sold houses for people. She said, “Please sell my house. Please show me a new house that I can buy.”
The man said, “O.K.”

История 6. Волшебная герань. / The Magic Geranium.

Mrs. Smith lived in an old house. The furniture was old. The walls needed paint. The curtains were torn.
One day a friend gave Mrs. Smith a beautiful rose geranium. The friend said, “This is a magic geranium. Put it on your table. It will make your house over.”

make over – преобразить

История 7. О кошке, которая хотела домой. / The Cat that Wanted to Go Home.

Conrad was a cat. One day his family went to visit some friends. So they took Conrad in the car and went to visit their friends.
When Conrad got to the friend’s house, he said, “This is not my house. I don’t like it. I am going home.” And he ran away.
In an hour Conrad saw a house and a lady in front of it. But it wasn’t his house. He said to the lady in his own language, “Could you tell me the way to my house?”

История 8. Добрый ловец собак. / The Kind Dog Catcher.

Mr. Goodkind liked dogs so much that he went to the Mayor of the town and said, “May I be dog catcher?
“Fine,” said the Mayor. We shall pay you two hundred dollars a month. Here is your desk. Here is a yard with a fence around it where you put the stray dogs. When an owner comes to get his dog, he must pay one dollar for a dog’s food. Put the money in the dog-catcher desk.
The telephone rang. “The dog catcher!” said Mr. Goodkind.
“A stray dog frightened my little boy,” said a lady. “Please come and catch him.”

История 9. Гараж для Габриеля. / A Garage for Gabriel.

Once there was a little car whose name was Gabriel. Poor Gabriel had no garage. He lived outdoors. He had a sign that said “For Sale-Cheap.”
Every day Gabriel watched the new cars. They rode by, but never even looked at Gabriel.
“Oh!” thought Gabriel, “I wish I were new!”
“But, most of all,” he said sadly, “I wish to have a garage!”

История 10. О кошке, которая думала, что она человек. / The Cat who Thought He was a Man.

Freddy was a cat who didn’t know he was a cat. He thought he was a man. He lived in a house like a man. He slept on a bed like a man. He ate out of dishes like a man. He sat on a chair like a man. He sat in front of the door of his house like a man. It never entered Freddie’s head that he wasn’t a man.
One night a cat came up to Freddie. The cat said, “Ha! You are the cat who doesn’t know he’s a cat.”
“I am not a cat,” said Freddie.
The cat said, “You are a cat. I can prove it.

Всего в этой книге 25 смешных историй известной американской детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер. Это истории про котенка, который боялся мышей, про пса Брауни, который после долгих скитаний наконец обрел хозяев и многие другие. Вы можете купить книгу в 2 вариантах: с диском или без него. Чтобы это сделать, нажмите на картинку!

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Смешные истории английский клуб джейн тэйер

Серия книг «для домашнего чтения», выпускаемая издательством Айрис-Пресс может заинтересовать всех изучающих английский язык. Книги адресованы учащимся разного возраста, уровня знаний, и вкусов. Пособия могут быть использованы как учителями английского языка в разных классах школ, лицеев, гимназий, в неязыковых вузах, на различных курсах, так и широким кругом читателей не равнодушных к английской литературе и желающих улучшить свои знания языка.
Для малышей (предварительный уровень: «Beginner») выпускаются замечательные сказки, которые обязательно понравятся маленькими читателям и пригодятся родителям, обучающих своих детей самостоятельно.
Все остальные книги делятся на пять основных уровней – этапов изучения языка:

1 уровень «Elementary» (для начинающих)
2 уровень «Pre-Intermediate» (для продолжающих первого уровня)
3 уровень «Intermediate» (для продолжающих второго уровня)
4 уровень «Upper Intermediate» (для продолжающих третьего уровня)
5 уровень «Advanced» (для совершенствующихся)

Все пособия снабжены комментарием (постраничным или в конце разделов), англо-русскими словарями, и содержат упражнения для контроля прочитанного, направленные на развитие навыков речи и отработку лексики и грамматических структур. Произведения сопровождаются иллюстрациями.

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Смешные истории английский клуб джейн тэйер

Школа английского Don’t Speak запись закреплена

#dontspeak #library #english #bookshelf
Книги из серии “Читаем по-английски”
Серия “Читаем по-английски” была основана в 1972 году, и адресована учащимся средних общеобразовательных школ, а также школ с углубленным изучением английского языка, в качестве пособия для работы во время уроков и для домашнего чтения. Все книги серии снабжены постраничными комментариями, англо-русскими словарями и иллюстрациями. Ряд книг имеют предисловия на русском языке.

Funny Stories (after Jane Thayer) / Смешные истории (по Джейн Тэйер)
Автор: Тэйер Д. / Thayer J.
Адаптация, примечания и словарь: Е.Н.Катасоновой
Год выпуска: 1987
Количество страниц: 92 (PDF: 50)
Описание: Книга содержит разнообразные по содержанию рассказы известной американской детской писательницы Джейн Тэйер. В них автор с юмором повествует о радостях и огорчениях детей и взрослых, о необычных историях с разными животными, о сказочных приключениях старого автомобиля и маленького парома. В конце книги есть вопросы для контроля понимания прочитанного.
Книга предназначена учащимся 4-х классов школ с преподаванием ряда предметов на английском языке.

Stories for Children / Рассказы для детей
Авторы: Colwell V., Berg L.,Wilson B. и др.
Составление и адаптация В.А.Верхогляд
Год выпуска: 1991
Количество страниц: 95 (PDF: 49)
Описание: В книге собраны веселые и занимательные рассказы английских и американских авторов о детях и взрослых, о животных и птицах и о многом другом. В конце книги помещены вопросы и задания к каждому рассказу.
Книга предназначается учащимся 5-6 классов школ с углубленным изучением английского языка, может быть также использована в 8 классе средней общеобразовательной школы.

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Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories, стр. 1

Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories

© Матвеев С.А., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© Ганненко В.В., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© Прокофьева О.Н., подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© ООО «Издательство АСТ», 2019

Вы держите в руках сборник юмористических рассказов на английском языке. В него вошли как признанные шедевры, так и произведения, мало знакомые русскому читателю. Несмотря на то что эти тексты были в значительной степени адаптированы, удалось сохранить авторский стиль, живой язык, и, конечно же, искрометный юмор. Смейтесь от души и совершенствуйте свой английский. А в конце книги вы найдете словарь, который облегчит вам понимание текстов.

1. Smoking and drinking

There were three of us in the smoke-room of the ship – me, my very good friend, and, in the opposite corner, a shy man, the editor, as we knew out later, of a New York Sunday paper.

My friend and I were talking about habits, good and bad.

“After the first few months,” my friend said, “it is as easy to be a saint as to be a sinner; it becomes a habit.”

“I know,” I interrupted, “it is as easy to jump out of bed early in the morning as to say ‘All Right,’ and turn over for another five minutes of sleep, when you have got the habit. Not to swear is as easy as to swear, if you make a custom of it. A piece of bread and water is as delicious as champagne, when you got used to its taste. It is only a question of making your choice and getting used it.”

“Now take one of my cigars,” he said, pushing his open cigar case to me.

“Thank you,” I replied quickly, “I’m not smoking during this trip.”

“Don’t be afraid,” he answered, “It was just an argument. One of these cigars would make you ill for a week.”

“Very well,” he continued. “As you know, I smoke them all day long, and enjoy them. Why? Because that is my habit. Many years ago, when I was a young man, I smoked very expensive Havanas. It was necessary for me to buy cheaper tobacco. I was living in Belgium and one friend showed me these. I don’t know what they are made of – probably cabbage leaves soaked in guano [1]; they tasted to me like that at first – but they were cheap, they cost me three a penny. I decided to like them, and started with one a day. It was terrible work, I admit, but as I said to myself, nothing could be worse than the Havanas themselves in the beginning. Before the end of the month I could think of them without disgust, at the end of second I could smoke them without discomfort. Now I prefer them to any other brand on the market.”

He leant back and puffed great clouds into the air, filled the small room with a terrible smell.

“Then again,” he continued after a pause, “Take my wine. No, you don’t like it.” (my face betrayed me.) “Nobody does, no one I have ever met. Three years ago, when I lived in Hammersmith, we caught two thieves with it. They opened the cupboard, and drank five bottles of it. A policeman found them later, sitting on a doorstep a hundred yards from my house. They were too ill and went to the police station like lambs, because he promised to send the doctor to them the moment they were safe in the cells. Since then I leave a bottle on the table every night.

Well, I like that wine. I drink several glasses, and I feel like I’m a new man. I took it for the same reason that I took the cigars – it was cheap. It is sent from Geneva, and it costs me six shillings a dozen of bottles. How they do it I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

“I knew one man,” my friend continued, “All day long his wife talked to him, or at him, or of him, and at night he fell asleep to the rising and falling rhythm of what she thought about him. At last she died, and his friends congratulated him, they thought that now he would enjoy peace. But it was the peace of the desert, and the man did not enjoy it. For twenty-two years her voice had filled the house, penetrated through the conservatory, and floated into the garden.

The place was no longer home to him. He missed the fresh morning insult, the long winter evening’s reproaches beside the fire. At night he could not sleep. For hours he would lie without sleep.

‘Ah!’ he cried to himself, ‘it is the old story, we never know the value of a thing until we lose it.’ He grew ill. The doctors gave him tons of sleeping pills, but all in vain. At last they told him that his life depended on finding another wife.

There were plenty of wives of the type he wanted in the neighbourhood, but the unmarried women were not experienced, and his health was so bad that he did not have the time to train them.

Fortunately, a man died nearby, talked to death by his wife. He called her the day after the funeral and in six months he won her heart.

But she was a poor substitute.

From his favourite seat at the bottom of the garden he could not hear her at all, so he brought his chair into the conservatory. It was all right for him there while she continued to abuse him; but every time he got comfortably settled down with his pipe and his newspaper, she suddenly stopped.

He dropped his paper and sat listening, with a troubled expression.

‘Are you there, dear?’ he called out after a while.

‘Yes, I’m here. Why do you think I am not, you old fool?’ she cried back in a tired voice.

His face brightened at the sound of her words. ‘Go on, dear,’ he answered. ‘I’m listening. I like to hear you talk.’

But the poor woman was too exhausted.

At night did her best, but it was a weak performance. After insulting him for three-quarters of an hour, she laid back on the pillow, and wanted to go to sleep. But he shook her gently by the shoulder.

‘Yes, dear,’ he said, ‘you were speaking about Jane, and the way I looked at her during the lunch.’

“It’s very strange,” concluded my friend, lighting a fresh cigar, “what men of habit we are.”

The shy man in the corner said: “I can tell you a true story and I bet a dollar you won’t believe it.”

“I haven’t got a dollar, but I’ll bet you half a sovereign,” replied my friend.

So the shy man told his story.

3. The editor’s story

“I’m going to tell you about a man from Jefferson,” he began. “He was born in the town, and for forty-seven years he never slept a night outside it. He was a respectable man – a merchant from nine to four, and a religious man in his free time. He said that a good life meant good habits. He got up at seven, had family prayer at seven-thirty, had breakfast at eight, got to his business at nine, had his horse brought to the office at four, and rode for an hour, reached home at five, had a bath and a cup of tea, played with children and read to them till half-past six, dressed and dined at seven, went to the club and played whist till quarter after ten, returned home to evening prayer at ten-thirty, and went to bed at eleven. For twenty-five years he lived that life without any variations. He was used by the local astronomers to check the sun.

One day his business partner in London, an East Indian merchant and an ex-Lord Mayor died, and our man was his only heir. The business was complicated and needed management. He decided to leave his son, a young man of twenty-four, as a manager of his business at Jefferson, and to go to his second family in England, to look after the East Indian business.

He set out from Jefferson City on October the fourth, and arrived in London on the seventeenth. He was ill during the whole trip. After several days in bed he announced his decision to go into the City to see to his business.

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